Everyone is at War

"Everybody's at war with something. I'm at war with my own heart sometimes."

--Tupac Shakur

Another September. Another back to school. Teachers measure their years in Septembers. I've had a lifetime of them, yet only 5 on record. Somehow I missed August. I know how I missed August. Somewhere between the ESL workshop, Memoir graduate class, Summer curriculum work, vacation in Arizona, and the first few days back to school, I lost August. She's gone, though she was never my favorite, I still wish I had her back.

I'm having a tough time going back to school this year. I keep telling myself to smile and nod, smile and nod, even when the students ignore me, when they fail to do their homework, I still smile and nod. I have a class whom I've (somewhat affectionately) nicknamed my "street urchins" and they are harder than most. Every day is a war in that classroom, every lesson a struggle. But they are young, most haven't learned how to hide their emotions as I have. Smile and nod. One girl has no mother at home, another has no self confidence, one lives in the shadow of his brother, and another is smart but plays dumb to fit in. Each is involved in his own internal war with something greater.

Restless. If the Santa Ana winds could blow through New England, I would swear they had made their presence known today. I feel crazy and wistful, on the verge...of what I haven't any idea. The gypsy is back. She is at war with her own heart again.